Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
