you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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