i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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