Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Four minutes until I can fart!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
