Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
