i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
