and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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