the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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