you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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