I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
