I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
