So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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