THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
