i think i have two assholes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
