the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
