It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize