So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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