I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
