So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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