The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
