There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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