if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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