It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
