Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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