dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
