Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize