woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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