What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
