so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize