I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
