My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize