My sheets look like a crime scene.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I said "one day" and that day is not today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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