Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
