for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
