based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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