Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
