I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
