Your face is a jimmy john
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
