a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
