6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have post one night stand depression
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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