i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
