singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
