a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
