at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
