Fuck appropriateness.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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