can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
4 words: hood of his car
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
