Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
