textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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