He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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