He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
