I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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