Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Soap is not a condiment
My hand turned me down
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
