Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
