I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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