I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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