I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I understand Curling. That high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
