My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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