he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
