According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
