based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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