We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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