I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
