How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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