R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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