I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
