If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Couch. On fire.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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