i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
